THE LOVERS: "Love, Beauty, Harmony, Trials Overcome, Trust, Honor, Deep feeling, Freedom of emotion, Putting to the proof, Speculating, Tempting, Yearning"

Well... if you've decided to see this page, you're no doubt waiting for me to tell you how incredibly brilliant I am, what a talented painter / writer / HTML programer / musician / topless dancer I am. Well.... hate to be the one to break it to you... but I'm not really any of those things. (Especially not the last one... me? A dancer? It is to laugh!) However, I do have a great fascination of people. I like getting into their heads and figuring out what they're thinking, feeling, seeing the world through their eyes, if you will. I'd like to think I posess the qualities the above card stands for in one way or another. (Beauty truly does come in many forms, does it not?)

A bit about me might be in order, hmm? Well, I could post one show you a galery full of pictures... or one of those easy to read profiles... maybe throw you a bunch of insipid personal trivia... but that wouldn't be much fun... I'll just write a bit instead. (Nyah!)

I don't see any need to let everyone online know my given name, I generally go by Pollex Xi online these days... I guess you can call me that if you like. I was born August 18th, 1977 into a family {1} still grieving the loss of my older brother. Robbie had died of Leukemia less than a year before I was born and for many years, (untill I was eighteen or nineteen, actually) I believed I had only been conceived in an attempt to find a suitable bone marrow donor. Since he died before I was born, I felt like a waste of life. I'd failed in what I was brought into this world to do. It wasn't untill within the last few years that I gathered the courage to ask my mother about this and she set my mind at ease. Apparently, I was conceived after he passed on. (I've never been able to remember his date of passing... it's not something we discuss much.) My Grandfather on my father's side passed when I was about four or five and all I really remember of the service is my mother feeding me Rollos to keep me quiet.

The biggest shock of my life came two weeks after my ninth birthday when my father, whom I loved with all my heart, lost a three year battle with a rare form of Cancer. My mother, a woman who'd seen much pain and hardship in her own life, never remarried and has only recently, over ten years later, even allowed herself to date again. She now has a "gentleman friend" she spends quite a bit of time with and I'm pleased to see her enjoying life again. Bless you, Mom, you deserve it...

From the time I was very young, people have described me as being a bit "different" or the dreaded "special". (For some reason, whenever an adult refers to a child as "special" I get images of the little schoolbus and remedial education) I suppose they're right.. even if not in the way they originally intended. I tend to form very intense relationships with people that take over for a period of time but fizzle relatively quickly.

On the topic of romance, I have a very sweet boyfriend who really makes me happy. He's been a great friend to me since we met and I'm very glad our friendship has evolved into what it is now. He's the kind of guy I can be equally happy with if we're just watching cartoons or out dancing. (The fact that his kisses leave me weak-kneed and dizzy in a wonderful way does help though. ;-) ) He's funny and charming and all around super nifty. Yeah, I think I'll keep him a while. =]

A few years ago some friends and I took this really weird quiz in a Time Life book (Mysteries of the Unknown series I believe) that was supposed to tell what color your aura was. (Real accurate, of course! ::sarcasm::) I was quite pleased with what mine said though... according to it, my aura was indigo.. and that those with indigo auras were few and far between... born to bring about an era of change for the bettter in this world. Now, I'm not too keen on trusting a quiz in a Time Life book.. (I'd be wary of anyone who does) but I do like that description... and who knows? Maybe there's a kernel of truth to it. =]

Though I'm not exceedingly tallented, I do consider myself creative. I guess my problem is that I'm great at visualizing / conceptualizing ideas, but have difficulty in putting them into action. I suppose that's why I tend to suround myself with creative people who can help me give birth to my ideas in a way that can be pleasurable to others. I suppose you could liken me to an architecht, coming up with plans for others to follow... ::sigh:: at least I try.

{1}--I'm the cute one in the pink fur coat ;-)

Since I moved to Arizona, my social life has been better than I ever would have imagined. I have a great group of friends and (as I said earlier,) a wonderful boyfriend. =] I'm never lonely, and I've been amazingly happy considering the drama I've dealt with. 1999 has already seen more drama and crisis situations than 1998... and considering it's not even two months into it as I write this, that's pretty damn stressful. Thankfully, I have people around who care enough about me to be there whenever I need.

Of course, some friends mean more than others... They're not really goth for the most part, but who cares? I get so much shit from people saying that because my friends like country or swing it detracts from my Gothiness and I think that that's the biggest load of manure I've ever heard. My friends are my friends because of who they are and the mutual love and support we give each other, not because they fit into any particular scene. My friends are Country, Raver, Death Rock, Swing, Ska, all sorts of stuff, because they're cool people I click with on an emotional level. Granted, all my friends here in Arizona are Goth, but they're my friends because they're good people who care about me and like spending time with me. Not because of their extensive black wardrobes and great eyeliner. Anyway.. enough ranting about my friends. They're cool people, I love 'em to death and that's all I got to say about that!

Just in case you want to know the generic stuff...

My favorite colors are red, black, and silver (pretty much in that order). I'm known for having *really* small feet (they measure at eight inches long) that look not unlike rectangles, my tendency to sing in Japanese (no, I don't speak it), and being such a good flirt I'm not always able to stop myself.

HAIL GLODFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!